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19 April 2012 @ 10:24 am
An Apology  
First off, let me just say this note goes out to some of my closest friends; Sana, Tyger, Keziah, Distort. I'm leaving this for others to see because I guess I want anyone who caers about me on any level to know about this.

I owe an explanation and an apology to you all. I've let each of you become emotionally attached to me in one way or another, I know that you may feel like I've been leading you on in some regards as well. I am sorry for all the pain I've caused, I am sorry for hurting any of you but please understand it was not intentional in the slightest.

I care deeply for each of you and I think that is what comes back to bite me. I get invested in your problems, I want to help you out, be something like a solid foundation for you. And as that goes on it becomes a feeling like more than just friends, and when I realize this I end up hurting you by wanting to take a step back, not wanting to commit myself to anything serious.

I know I've tried to make it a point every time I start to get to know someone that I cannot promise to a relationship before I get to know you in person. And I think that should go both ways, that you need to know who I am in person too. With my ex I did not follow this, because we knew each other for a long time online and got along well I promised myself to her and then I sort of forced myself to make it work. In the end, though, I was out a few years of my life and around a few thousand bucks, all for nothing. Throughout the whole time I kinda felt things were off yet because of the time I already put into it I kept trying to push for it. And that is an experience I never want to go through again. I need to see who someone is in person now, I feel that furries often skip the whole dating phase when throwing themselves at each other. I think that phase is very important and it's something I know I've been leading you all on into wanting to do. And in the end I've hurt you each in one way or another, I can't express how sorry I am for that.

Like any other bloke I was flirting around. And when something stuck I went for it, trying to get closer, trying to get to know who each of you are away from the PC. I still deeply care for each and every one of you, that will never change. But I feel this needed to get out in the open, that you were feeling like promises were made that I never intended. I am a lonely guy over here, the attention was rather intoxicating. I didn't want to turn anyone away and that is a terrible weakness on my part.

I know we've all been hurt in our own ways in the past too, I understand why we sort of want to cling to someone when they're good to us and not let them slip away, thinking they're the last good person available. But I am no catch as this all proves. I'm just as big an idiot as any other guy. In trying to be a good friend I feel I've caused you all more pain than good and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do, I never wanted to add to any of the burdens you all carry already. I let you all down, all I can ask for is forgiveness at this point and hope that none of you show any animosity towards each other.

You all know to reach me if you want to talk. As for others who read this, I don't want asspats or drama. I just wanted to be open about things, I don't want or need to talk about it.
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